Do the souls of the dead visit us?

What the Ahl al-Bayt narrations say

In al-Kafi, one of the four core Shia hadith collections, al-Kulayni gave a whole chapter the title "The dead person visits his family." That alone tells you this question is old, and that the Imams were asked it many centuries ago.

One narration in that chapter, from Hafs ibn al-Bakhtari, quotes Imam al-Sadiq (peace be upon him): "The believer visits his family, and sees what he loves, and what he dislikes is veiled from him." The same narration says the disbeliever sees what he dislikes and what he loves is hidden from him.

Read those words slowly. This is not a frightening picture. It is a merciful one. If you worry that your mother, father or child has seen you falling apart, or seen the house in disarray since they left, this narration says that what would hurt them is kept from their sight.

The narration does not say how such a visit happens, or in what form. So we stop where it stops and add nothing. What it does say is enough to settle the heart: death does not cut the bond between a believer and the people he loved.

Sources: ^[1]

What the Quran says about the soul after death

The Quran tells us the soul is not extinguished at death: "Allah takes the souls at the time of their death, and those that die not during their sleep" (al-Zumar 39:42). Death is the soul being taken to God, not a disappearance.

The Quran calls the stage after death the barzakh: "and before them is a barrier until the day they are raised" (al-Mu'minun 23:100). The person you lost is living a different kind of life, in a world between this one and the next.

About martyrs in particular, the Quran says they are "alive (and) are provided sustenance from their Lord" and that "they rejoice for the sake of those who, (being left) behind them, have not yet joined them" (Al Imran 3:169-170). These verses are about martyrs. But they open a window onto something tender: those who have gone ahead know the people they left behind, and care what becomes of them.

Sources: ^[2]

What psychology says

Many grieving people say things like "I can feel him in the house" or "I sensed her next to me." If this has happened to you, you are not alone, and it does not mean something is wrong with you.

A study in the journal Dreaming looked at 268 American adults who had lost a spouse or partner. In the previous month, 50.7% reported a waking experience of the person who died, such as seeing, hearing or sensing them, and 73.5% had dreamt of them.

Since the 1990s, grief researchers have changed how they see this. In the book Continuing Bonds, Dennis Klass and colleagues showed that keeping an inner connection with the person who died, through remembering, talking about them and living by what they valued, is a normal part of grief. It is not a refusal to accept the loss.

Psychology cannot tell us what the soul does; that is not its field. What it can tell you is that sensing a loved one's presence is common and is often comforting. If it frightens you or keeps you awake, talk to someone you trust or to a professional.

Sources: ^[3][4][5]

Small steps that can help

Fill your home with what they would love to see. The narration says the believer sees what he loves, so let there be remembrance of God, kindness between family members, and care for those still here.

Recite al-Fatiha for them, or share a khatma (a full reading of the Quran) with relatives and dedicate it to them. It reaches them, and it steadies you too.

Visit the grave if you can. If you live far from Najaf, ask someone there to visit on your behalf and recite by the grave.

Say their name. Mention them at dinner, and tell your children stories about them. Silence about the person who died does not make grief lighter; warm remembrance keeps them present in the home.

If you feel their presence, there is no need to be afraid. Say to them in your heart what you want to say, and pray for God's mercy on them.